Thursday, October 2, 2008

Why men drink and other random Will Ferrell is a genius thoughts.


1. Let's review. 5769 years ago Tuesday the Master of the Universe decided to create the world and bestow his unending Goodness on our lowliness (not to get int semantics but G-d did create the world on a Sunday- coincidence it's also NFL SUNDAY!! TPC thinks not!).

Well, things were looking up for a few days, G-d created light and all was good, the skies and oceans, birds, beasts, yada yada and All was Good. And then G-d created man. Man, we'll call him Adam for the purpose of this story, was chilling around the Garden of Eden, looking at all the wondorous creations and naming all the amazing animals in G-d's Wild Kingdom. So what happened? As always Adam (or man in general) got impetuous and asked G-d to give him a partner like the rest of the animal kingdom. Now, Adam thought he was going to get himself a drinking buddy, someone to play a quick 18 on a nice Friday morning, maybe some one on one hoops, someone for Tuesday Night cards and maybe even someone he can bum a few smokes off when he's running low. So, what does G-d do in his infinite Wisdom and Unending Sense of Humor? He gives him this amazingly beautiful creature that the poor guy is going to piss off the above "buddy" he was hoping just to try and impress this wonderous creture G-d called Woman.
Obviously, Adam is feeling a little frisky and needs to impress this damsel in her near distress. But he has no experience, no MoJo to fall back on and Adam needs to get out of his "shell" and lose some inhibition to win his Woman over. So, he partakes of some of the best Herbs the Garden has to offer and the next thing you know he's seeing a snake flirting with his girl and blaming the damn Serpent for the punishment he's about to receive for eating from the Tree (maybe he had the munchies????). Anyway, he hook sup with her, they finally sober up and realized they were naked! The next thing you know we have to go out and make a living, deal withthese stock market and real estate crashes and our poor brides have to endure the pain of childbirth because we needed a little bit of this and that.
So, we turn on our Holy Lord again until 10 generations later , finally, a savior is in our midst- The Rightious Noah. We have this Flood 40 days and 40 nights of never stopping torrential rain ( making katrina look tame by comparison) and almost a year of the earth boiling in extremely hot water. Now, with all that we forget, Noah was stuck on a ship with no windows (this was no Love Boat my friends) with his sons and daughter in laws, his wife and all those animals to deal with (not including the grandkids)- DONT TRY THIS AT HOME. So, can anyone blame Noah for wanting to just chill out with some good wine, relax, enjoy the Sun and just pass out the second he gets out of that boat? I didn't think so. And that my friends is why men always love to drink. We were fine until the woman and family came around. Then, we needed it. It's biblically in us.

2. Will Ferrell is a genius of magnitude proportion. Who else can play the Cheerleader dude on SNL, the duet on SNL, More cowbell, Ron Burgundy and most recently, Chaz from Wedding Crashers? Who else could pull all that off? You think you have the guts to go from Wedding Crasher to picking up chicks mourning at a funeral? And all that and he can still party at night at the Roxbury.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

What abt Frank The Tank, from Old School???????

The Don said...

I've contacted the authorities.......the men in white coats are on their way to Woodmere Park.

Ducks said...

TPC, of all your horrible posts, horrible predictions and draft analyses, horrible "best of" lists and horriblly mediocre fantasy performances, by far the most disturbing thoughts of all is your love for one of (if not THE) the most annoying and untalented actor in modern society. I used to think Jim Carey was bad (since when did simply acting like a lunatic make someone funny???) but Will Ferrel (yuck, i hate even saying his name) takes annoyance, incompetence and lack of talent to a new level. His comedic talent ranks near the offensive talents of such pro athletes as Rey Ordonez, Dave Brown and Blair Thomas. In other words, he's not just inept, he's utterly painful to watch on every level. I cringe when he tries to be funny, I really do. He's just not funny. But he tries ...like Ron Dayne did to gain those 1 yd TDs... to nail the line. He acts like a lunatic nonsensically in what is really merely an effort to conceal his lack of comedic tone, timing and presence. Stand up comedians who are not funny curse alot, use gutter humor and graphic sex jokes to get laughs. Why? because they do not have actual talent to get people to laugh at intelligent, observational humor. Like the brilliant seinfeld. Sometimes, it actually works. People laugh at the gutter humor that ANYONE can do. But that doesnt make such a comedian funny. It makes him a mere shill.
In singing competitions, the equivalent is the talentless contestant who sings songs with a very small range of notes. Becaus they can't hit the other ones. Billy Joel, my favorite artist of all time, stopped singing the high notes decades ago. he has his backups do it. and it hurts to watch.
But lets not mention Billy Joel in the same sentence as that no-talent embarrasment. Let's just leave it at this:
--acting with random lunacy is not funny
--vomit/farting jokes are not funny
--yelling and screaming and overreacting for no reason is not funny

do these things make people laugh? sure. but so does that scene where the guy gets hit in the balls. or that scene where the guy steps on the rake and it hits him in the head. these jokes are proven to make people laugh. but that doesn't make them funny any more than saying "doody" is funny, even though it is a foolproof way to make a 5 yr old laugh.
Am I comparing mainstream adult humor to a 5 yr old's? Sadly-- yes. Yes, I am. Gutter, swearing, and lunacy, make people laugh. But it's not funny.

Ducks said...

To help guide your readers in the RIGHT, direction, TPC, I will do your audience a huge favor lead them who and what actually IS funny:

--The Simpsons. Brilliantly funny.
--Jerry Seinfeld and the show "Seinfeild", also brilliant humor.
--Ellen DeGeneres. Naturally witty and hysterical.
--The late John Ritter-- Slapstick is not funny, usually. John Ritter though, made it work.
--Bronson Pinchot as "Balki"..underrated, but yes, FUNNY.
--The "Office". Actually takes a little while (if you're new) to get into. And it's sometimes painful, but it's also damn funny.
--Cartman-- Funny. South Park without Cartman? Painful.
--Frank Caliendo- Very very funny.
--Jay Leno-- very underrated, but very bright, witty and funny.
--Jackie Mason, Chris Rock

And Here's my "Not Funny" List:
#1- Will Ferrel
#2- Larry David
#3- Jim Carrey
#4- David Letterman. Not nearly as witty as he's given credit for.
#5- Ray Romano. Why does anyone find this guy funny?
#6- The "tool time" guy whatever his name was

ThePeoplesChamp said...

Ducks,

You are blind if you can't see the humor of the Great Will Ferrell.

Some of your list is okay (South Park rules even without Cartman by the way). The Simpsons is comedic genius of the highest magnitude. Seinfeld- THE SHOW- is awesome. Seinfeld the standup is not nearly as good.
Ellen Degeneres is a hack. John Ritter was funny? Jack Tripper was funny and after a few shows that act wore thin. What else was he funny as? Your comparing him to Ron Burgundy?????And then there's Balki? That's funny?
Yes, Caliendo and Rock are awesome, but I guess even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while.

Anonymous said...

Sarah Palin and Mrs McCain will reinvigorate the struggling pornagraphic industry and that industry will lead the economy to bright economic future.

Ducks said...

ha ha. now that last comment was kinda funny. way to go anonymous!
(ironic if it turns out to be will ferrel)...

Pollan, we definitely need to do a radio show together.

Ducks said...

crap sorry about the name drop. its just habitual. will try harder.

Ducks said...

TPC, nice poll. a tad skewed, no?
you have a dead guy, an old retiring talk show host and a lesbian daytime talks show host facing ferrel. geez.

yes, i know i said all of them were funny. but one guy is dead now for gdsake. no one's voting for him. and the other 2 have serious biases going against them. why not put ferrel up against the REAL (and LIVING!) comedic "geniuses" i named-- seinfeld, chris rock, frank caliendo, and cartman?
after all, if ferrel is a genius, as you say, he should be able to go head to head with these geniuses, no?

ThePeoplesChamp said...

Ducks,
He should and can. I'm just using you're guys who you say are so much funnier look pretty ridiculous against The Anchorman.

The Don said...

Will Ferrell = comedic genius. Its silly to even argue otherwise.Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock 2 of the best stand ups ever both use bathroom humor at times, but its not what their all about and neither is it for Ferrell. I laugh just thinking about Ron Burgundy.

And Ducks enough with the man crush on Bronson Pinchot. I'll admit he was funny in his homo role in the beverly hills cop flicks, but let's not take it any further than that. He should not be mentioned in the same paragraph as the other greats you have mentioned.